So, today, while running on the treadmill at the downtown YMCA, I thought about making a bucket list of all the things I want to accomplish before I'm 40. The bucket list eventually turned into an idea to blog. Not that I think anyone is the least bit interested in my life, but maybe this is a better way for me to chronicle how I got here and where I'm going. A good way for me to see how far I've come when I do hit the big 4-0.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, the idea of turning 40 hit me like a ton of bricks. I could hardly think about it without shedding a crocodile tear or two. I really cannot explain what has changed, except that in the past month or so, I have really started to feel hopeful and excited about life for the first time in a very long time. Maybe it will help to tell you a little about where I've been.
I was raised in a tiny, tiny town (can you say not a single redlight in the entire county) in Kentucky. Very close-knit community--the best thing that came out of me living there is a gaggle of really close friends, most of whom I've known since kindergarten and still communicate with on a daily basis. And of course, a good, solid foundation and maybe a tad bit of learning from an early age exactly what I did not want. I moved to the big city, aka Nashvegas, 12 years ago and have fallen in love. Stores on every corner, fabulous shopping, a diverse collection of "new" friends and wonderful career opportunities. Everything a girl from Bee Spring ever dreamed of. Well, almost.
So skipping a lot of good times, late nights, great decisions and terrible mistakes, in 2006 I was engaged and had a different plan entirely. I had toyed with the idea of law school...got accepted...and didn't go. I use the ex-fiance as an excuse, but really, as much as I tried to make it right, it just wasn't the right thing for me. Early that year, the ex confessed to having a girlfriend and it was done (after a string of not so nice language that I haven't uttered before or since that incident but dang it felt so good!) I mourned for a bit...not as much for him as for the change in plans and the idea of starting all over again with someone new. In all honesty, his girlfriend was a blessing to me. I had been praying for a sign...and boy did I get it loud and clear. But the good thing-- no turning back, no second-guessing, no regrets...a clean break and moving forward. So, then I hit a plateau for oh about 4 years. I'm not going to say there weren't good times mixed in there, but there was also a lot of depression, stress and tears. I no longer had any dreams to follow or any goals to reach. I was just getting by. Wondering how I'd missed the boat, who was going to take care of me when I got old and feeling sorry for myself.
So, ladies and gents, I'm not real sure what happened...maybe a combination of things, but all of a sudden, I want to soar!!! I want to do everything!! I have so many things to accomplish before I'm 40 and so little time to do it!! I'm hopping on this train, or maybe roller coaster, and can't wait to see where I end up.
